By One of the elements of parenting I focus on is making sure my kids have a healthy and happy childhood. To set the record straight, I’m not one of those parents, who feels my kids’ happiness is tantamount to the beginning and end of my existence, but I do want to create memories and experiences that will stay with them for years to come. My efforts to ensure the kids have a memorable and well-rounded upbringing is not motivated by my wanting to give them a “better” childhood than I did. On the contrary, it’s because my childhood was so great, I want them to have a great childhood of their own.
I know the experts frown upon parents who go through great lengths to make sure their kids are happy at all times, but I’d like to think I’m grounded enough to understand it is not my job to make my kids happy. I want to teach them how to find happiness on their own, because happiness is a personal thing. I would never want the kids to believe their happiness depends on someone else. Rather, I want them to understand their happiness is theirs alone to find.
Even though the kids must learn how to find their own happiness in life, I like to be a part of some of the things that brings happiness to them. For me, spending time with my family makes me happy; taking care of my husband and children make me happy; watching my new favorite television show, This is Us, makes me happy (I just LOVE..LOVE…LOVE Kate, Kevin, Randall, Toby, Jack, Rebecca, Beth AND William); shopping (there, I said it) makes me happy; sitting in pj’s and laying about the house on a lazy Saturday makes me happy; talking and laughing with my husband and best friend makes me happy; thinking about the wonderful childhood my parents gave me makes me happy, and it is important to me that the kids are be able to find their own happiness.
I didn’t grow up wealthy. I’m not even sure we were “middle-class” in my younger years, but we had everything we needed, some of what we wanted, and there was plenty of love. One day, I overheard my mom talking about me to someone and said, “This child doesn’t even realize we’re poor.” My mom’s truth was astonishing because in my mind, I wasn’t poor. How could I be with all of the love I had all around. We lived in a shot-gun double on New Orleans St. in the 7th ward, but it was our home and I wanted for nothing (except a canopy bed, which I wanted for years). My parents were always present, loving, supportive, they disciplined when necessary, and there was nothing I needed that I didn’t have. As far as I was concerned, I was the richest little chocolate girl in the 7th ward.
Since it’s Spring Break and I’ve already made it clear how much I enjoy laying around in pj’s, I switched it up a bit and arranged a play day for Kris and one of her friends. I knew she would enjoy spending time with another little girl for a change because she spends so much time with her brothers. It’s always great to be around other girls with similar interests. Since Kris was spending the day at a friend’s house, I decided to take the boys to the movies. Afterwards, we met my friend, Kalenda (who’s still in town) and went to Area 51, a trampoline facility, where kids can bounce and flip to their hearts desire. Parents, on the other hand, who have no business bouncing and flipping have only one goal at Area 51, and that’s to try to leave the same way they came..without any broken bones or aching backs. All in all, it was a great day, we had a good time, and it made me feel good to give my kids such a good day to remember. When we got home, Keith walked up to me, gave me a hug and thanked me for such a great day. It was such a good feeling to know my son was truly appreciative for having a good time. I was grateful for him being mature enough to express his gratitude. Maybe we are doing okay after all.
I can’t manufacture my children’s happiness, nor do I want to. Happiness is something everyone must find on their own. I can only hope that rather than giving them gifts like toys, video games and things that don’t matter, I’m giving the gift of my presence, love, support and discipline as my parents did for me. Truth be told…if I can be as half as good as Michael and Michelle, I’d consider myself a parental success.
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